I think my fart just growled at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
