What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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