everyone is single if you try hard enough
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
