it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
