Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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