hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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