i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
