sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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