I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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