mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
