i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
