Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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