booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
