Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
