This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pants are for mortals
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
