how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize