her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
