Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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