Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
time to smoke my breakfast
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
