I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
