Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
