stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
