WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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