I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
