Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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