the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
