I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
