im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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