SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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