My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
