Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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