I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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