dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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