so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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