stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
