True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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