I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
