This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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