you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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