I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize