How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
