I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
