i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
