Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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