The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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