I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
