OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
