So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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