Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
