I have demons in me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
