You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
