I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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