just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
