I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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