she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
