Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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