if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
