gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
