Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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