i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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