I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
