TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
