yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
