Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
