eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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