sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
