Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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