Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
