just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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