sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
