Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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