I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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