Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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