I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
