I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
