That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we're so committed to being not committed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
