today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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