just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
