I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
