Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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