Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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