you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
