I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
