Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize