3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
