and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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