she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
