She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
