I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
