I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
