Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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