That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
