Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
