I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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