he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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