I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
