i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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