So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you never un-have a 4some
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
