I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
