he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
