I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
