i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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