Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
