My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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