I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
