Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
