Your face is a jimmy john
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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