funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
