hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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