Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize