We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
