nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
